2009-10-25 Beijing

Not

Not just me

Suffering from my expectations of life.

(If only I know what they are)

Not the fault of trashy movies, pulp fictions

Addictive online games or seductive commercials

Not even money, the cold, smelly sticky treasure

Not just me

Looking for the whisper of trees and fish in clear waters.

Without realizing it.

Despising hypocrites but chanting with them

Hating fervent idiots yet encouraging them

With silence and blurred grumbles

Then despise myself for being so damn smart

(Of course, what else did you expect?)

Not remembering friends’ birthday and our anniversaries

Not expecting others to remember mine

When the horn of night subdues all noises

Not just yearning for the ointment of love

(Yet what a nice illusive word, nice for its illusiveness)

Not sure what passions can achieve

They burn up as fast as toilet paper

(Oh ja, even smell like bitter ashes after that)

Not just these though

There are some other nots:

Not to demand the whole world from a man/woman

Not to select a belief from the shelf

Provided by those who rule

Not to pretend that saints have signed a treaty with them

Not to take our life as the right one

I prevail, yet I’m alone.

These are not my lines.

I did

Not write them.

 

 

看到邹波的诗，想到爱情那些简单的事实：心尖儿的颤动，莫名其妙的躁动不安，想要大笑，窃笑，哀伤，大哭，激发这一切神经病式的反应的，不是被爱的人，而是爱着的人的想象，或一点回忆。

这种感觉不能凭空产生，必须要有一个明确的对象，至于对象是否愿意参与其中，倒是不重要的。所谓爱上自己的爱情，跟抽大麻的唯一区别，就是大麻要花钱买。

但是，这样的神经，是多么美好的感觉啊，因为它多属于青春。如果再有机会能那样爱一次，不会有人愿意放弃的吧。

Q

by Sharon Olds August 10, 2009

Q belonged to Q.&A.,
to questions, and to foursomes, and fractions,
it belonged to the Queen, to Quakers, to quintets—
within its compound in the dictionary dwelt
the quill pig, and quince beetle,
and quetzal, and quail. Quailing was part of Q’s
quiddity—the Q quaked
and quivered, it quarrelled and quashed. No one was
quite sure where it had come from, but it had
travelled with the K, they were the two voiceless
velar Semitic consonants, they went
back to the desert, to caph and koph.
And K has done a lot better—
29 pages in Webster’s Third
to Q’s 13. And though Q has much
to be proud of, from Q.& I. detector
through quinoa, sometimes these days the letter
looks like what medical students called the
Q face—its tongue lolling out.
And sometimes when you pass a folded
newspaper you can hear from within it
a keening, from all the Q’s who are being
set in type, warboarded,
made to tell and tell of the quick and the
Iraq dead.

From Hellboy II, a lovely song, makes one smile

You're such a beautiful freak
I wish there were more just like you
Youre not like all of the others

And that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
...

今天才发现Vitas，因为他用夹生中文唱了《青藏高原》

http://news.sohu.com/20081128/n260901786.shtml

另外还有一首  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flrga0mGh78

简直惊呆了，哪里 来的这么个生物，MTV导演试图让他扮演童话里的王子，很危险的定位，因为很容易穿帮，看到俄罗斯舞台上廉价的衬里和多年的欧洲繁华梦（连绵战乱、独裁和 革命，这些梦最后一一粉碎，只剩一些镜子的碎片），最后，是他一点玩世不恭和颓废的邪恶气质扭转了一切，这也是俄罗斯生命力的主要来源之一。玩世不恭也可 以是非常有力量的。

非人的声音，透人肺腑。 Krikom里最后一声高唱，简直是个堕落天使在控诉时间。他的眼神非常丰富，有引诱、自恋、自怜、嘲笑、犹豫、脆弱，有时候贱得可以，像个小镇里心比天 高命比纸薄的漂亮青年，大约知道自己前方道路漫漫希望渺茫，所以拼了命引诱不值得引诱的人，让有同情心的世故者怜惜。

不过他唱《青藏高原》的时候，最动人的是那种浑然不知的纯真。

可惜目前还多半在唱差劲的多愁善感的爱情歌曲，希望他能够得到更好的经纪人的拯救。

Demeter   大地之母

                            by Carol Ann Duffy

 

...

 http://news.sohu.com/20080515/n256881968.shtml

思雨，我有一个女儿，跟你一样听话

也许和你一样勇敢

但是她没有经历过 你经历过的黑夜

下雨的时候 你在唱歌吗

睡着的时候 你的小手落在哪里 

小小的脑袋  顶着哪块坚硬的石板

哪只没尾巴的老虎 跑进你的梦里 与你做伴？

 

思雨 很多人希望拥抱你

这些拥抱  可能有一万个 一亿个 十多亿个拥抱

他们希望把这些拥抱  每天给你一个

如果你长大了  用不完它们

还可以留给你的女儿 或者你的儿子

给所有的孩子 

让他们在中国柔软的怀抱里

辗转  歌咏 

为了玫瑰花和小鸽子

而不是为了忘记疼痛 

This is the first thing

I have understood:

Time is the echo of an axe

Whithin a wood.

 

这是我明白的

第一件事情

时间是一把利斧

劈入木头的声音 

 

引自 ...

Paralysed by the sound of the wind in late March

Spring is still on its way.

How come people've started to get insane?

Here we are...

The rumbling tin roof of an old apartment

Eats its way int...

一场雪需要许多观众

需要一只快乐的狗在雪地上打滚

 

很动人的歌，可惜我不知道怎么把它贴上来，只好贴歌词。

I must be
One of the devil's daughters
They look at me with scorn
I'll never hear their horn
Sometimes
It's like chains
Sometimes I hang my head
In shame
When people see me ...

Is he there?

Is his hair still as shiny as diamond

Lips as red as poppy flowers

Is he drinking a glass of gin before going to bed

And smoking in bed

Masturbating while looking...

Kiss at night is different

From kiss in the morning

One is the beginning

The other is the end.

从你们心中除掉活人的梦

——《仙军出动》 叶芝 

（括号里是我觉得更好的翻译，在句式和韵律方面，L的翻译更好些。） 

明天，把窗户打开                          Tomorrow, open the window,

把夜里卸下的暖气罩 嵌回墙壁           return the lid of the heater, discharged through the night, to the wall,

在窗户上呼一口气测试温度               test the air（temperature）with a sniff at the window,

回想昨夜陌生人的面孔和名字            remember the faces and names of last night's strangers,

猜测他们之间隐秘的联系                 take a guess at their hidden relations,

他们宣示的快乐 和挂在脖子上的妥协  their promised (demonstrated) merriness (happiness), the compromise weighing them down (hanged on their necks).

明天，感谢清洁工在黎明之前            Tomorrow, say thanks to the cleaner who before daybreak

将落叶和塑料袋清扫干净                  got rid of the fallen leaves and the plasticbags,

感谢小贩把水果和蔬菜洗净 摆放整齐   say thanks to the peddler who cleanly prepared fruit and vegetable for decoration （and put them in line）,

感谢所有人在七点之前到达办公室       say thanks to everybody who arrives before seven to their desks,

像不会背叛笼子的信鸽                    like carrier pigeons unable to betray their home cage.

明天，在清晨的冷雾里打哈欠            Tomorrow, give a yawn, let the jaw send a fine crackle

颌骨发出细碎声音                          into the chilly morning fog.

每一个走出地铁的人                       All the people coming out of the subway,

你想拥抱他们                               you want to hug every one of them,

而他们飘摇不定 即刻散去                but they flow by in a never-ending wave and disperse right away.

8月在国子监街发现一家咖啡馆，整个店布置得非常舒服，连我最讨厌的绢花放在那里都感觉很妥贴。墙上挂了很多照片，说是老板拍的：鲸鱼飞过天空，人们站在沙漠里，少年幽暗中闪烁的皮肤。看完一圈，当即下定决心，我要找到这个人——找来干啥？不知道，就是想确认一下，他是不是也喜欢我喜欢的东西。

但是给他留下了名片，他却没有回复。

11月，在南锣鼓巷，偶然发现了另一家喜鹊咖啡，这次看到的是夜色中的一只大鸟，和一个乘降落伞的小人一起飞翔。好像做梦，努...

Didn't know Chopin can be so quiet, too. Purity. Peace. Sobriety.

Men tell themselves: there are more important things in the life that
demand their attention. It's not true, at least not true to a
dangerous woman. Nothing is more important than the echo between
hearts.

Tiger Lillies是一个英国乐队，装扮如马戏团，人都没啥好看的，但是音乐很棒。主唱兼风琴手Martyn Jacques的嗓音，在这首歌里面是歇斯底里的，深情、颓废而疯狂，听了快100遍，每一次都让我肝肠寸断。所以还要继续听下去，直到产生免疫力为止。

还不会用blogbus放音乐，可惜。

据说Martyn的嗓音也可以极其温柔低沉，像个真正的魔术师。

Your Long Golden Hair

Your long golden hair is worth more than
all of the diamonds in the richest mine
Or all the pearls in all the necklaces,
all of the necklaces put in a line
But as you bathe in this sunlit dream
you know that nothing is what it seems
Your long golden hair is worth more than the
gold all the gold in the mines richest seams
Or all the countless hours the dreams
that poets do dream
Your long golden hair will lie with your
corpse buried in the pure white snow
Your long golden hair will continue toeven when you soul does go

On Monsieur’s Departure

By Queen Elizabeth I

If you hear a sharp whistle at night

From the world beyond

Swirling, spiraling, teasing

"People keep on talking

"about their fears of pains

"But they keep silent about their yearning for eternity"

The golden pictures shattered, dark characters blurred

You are frozen in the cold mash of unexpected wish

For an answer

Tu, mon cher

On which planet are you planting your rose

At which station have you left your key

From which glass will you drink the wine of regret like I do

When you hear a sharp whistle from the world beyond

思维已经碎片化了。没有逻辑，超链接之间，只有跳跃混乱的脑细胞知道自己选哪条路。一个嫦娥卫星探月项目，大家上来都是黑压压一片，星球转呀转，飞船转呀转，星船分离、五种矿物、整流罩、干涉成像光谱仪，煞有介事的都成了科普专家。
抒情的人怎么办呢？网上号召一个嫦娥诗会，就给这些抒情的人提供了一个水池子。有个哥们儿，狂奔上来贴了第一篇，令人绝倒：

一封家书

嫦娥啊，
娘的好宝贝，
自从你走后，
天天等你回。
等你回啊，
心雨碎，
风流泪。
梦缠绵，
情悠远。

嫦娥啊，
娘的好宝贝，
厉风险，
搞改革，
娘家已成为，
和谐...

Out on the wiley, windy moors
Wed roll and fall in green.
You had a temper like my jealousy:
Too hot, too greedy.
How could you leave me,
When I needed to possess you?
I hated you. I loved you, too.

Bad dreams in the night.
They told me I was going to lose the fight,
Leave behind my wuthering, wuthering
Wuthering heights.

Heathcli...

He said you are a riot.     他说你是场狂欢

He said you have your way with men.  他说你知道拿男人怎么办

You pin up your hair and look into the mirror and see 你把头发挽起，在镜子里看到

lots of things 很多东西

lying around in the gross warehouse of time.  在粗俗的时间仓库里横躺

"When you remember me    “当你想起我的时候

"You will always remember me as I am “你会一直记得真正的我

"and an exit beside me."  “还有我身边那个永远的出口”

Facebook让大学同班同学老孙的学生找到了我，于是跟老孙又搭上了线。老孙现在在清华教书了，跟当年还是一样的贫，当年他外号“芝麻糊”。

大学时代……整个大学时代我们就学了一首英文诗，是一个电影里的女间谍，被纳粹枪毙之前写给她恋人的。

L说，那些困难不会消失，不像孩童时，当愿望足够强烈，它们就能被克服。

但是即便希望消失了，那些记忆和渴望也不会立即消失，在这个时段里，你既不到达天堂，也不进入地狱。

那首诗就像顺口溜一样，不过念起来还是蛮沉痛。

The life that I have is all that I have.

The love that I have is yours....

今夜北京的月亮，十分诡异

在国贸上方，大而缺损

昭显右脸的阴影，以为城市

不会抬头，不会觉察

“怪不得我整天荷尔蒙不安” 

还得靠自己，外面不安全 

“太无助了”  

出租车司机从一上车

就一直谈自己如何能喝 

快到地方了，忽然回头问：

“您是不是也喝了点儿？”

奶奶的

好像记得见了一个熟人 

好像坐下来，没说两句

就走了，回家睡...

http://www.hyperlexic.com/ts_eliot_portishead.php

 

今夕何夕兮？搴舟中流。

今日何日兮？得与王子同舟！

蒙羞被好兮，不誓诟耻。

心几烦而不绝兮，得知王子。

山有木兮木有枝，心悦君兮君不知。

 

She traveled across the town

Book in hand, opened, unread.

She was getting blind to the words

Words of people. Words of her own.

So much noise. The crying of millions of hearts.

Scary. How brave the citizens here are…

好几年前写的诗，今晚这最后一段环绕在脑子里，挥之不去。

 

……

我爱她不用人们所说的心

而用手指、怀抱和嘴唇 

愿上帝在前途拂去石子 

我还有路要走 

带着他恩赐的宠儿